However, both women knew things about me and our relationship that could have only come from him

Even though my h insists that he had no feelings for either woman and never stopped loving me, how to I believe that when he talked about me to 2 women he barely knew, his wife of 35 years, our marriage, our life, our sex life!

For awhile it all really threw me down in a pit. I felt like I had put tremendous effort into being a great wife, and he chose a whore who was the polar opposite of me.. It made me wonder if I had any good qualities at all if I could lose a competition with THAT. I now have more understanding that she was NOT competition. He was reacting to brokenness in HIMSELF. She was a symptom of HIS disease process, and he considers her the biggest mistake of his life. And that’s how most men end up seeing their OW. Who wants to live the rest of their life knowing they are someone’s “BIGGEST MISTAKE”. Not me!

Does that make it harder or easier to take? that’s a tough one. In some ways easier, because she is clearly not someone that he would ever consider in “real life”. If he was single tomorrow, someone like her would not even get a second look, as she doesn’t meet any of the criteria he has for wife and mother. On the other hand, there is nothing that makes the feeling of betrayal easier to take. While I am glad that I compare more favorably in EVERY category, it also makes me angry that he could stoop that low and would even want to do so.

My h was broken too, she had him believe I broke him and that she was saving him from the clutches of his wife. I too started with my h with nothing, she wouldn’t have stayed with my h given the chance if he had nothing. She wants someone that can buy the expensive things she wants. She is very materialistic. He flattered her with the things he bought her and paid for her. He would never have been able t keep up with her demands. She played with his ego, and he liked it because he was feeling depressed about life, she made him feel better. His escape from reality, yet i was made out to be the worst thing on earth. That’s what I can’t get over, the fact he made me sound so terrible.

I’m so glad to hear someone else say exactly what I have been thinking and feeling. I’m so humiliated and hurt beyond words, I feel like the pain will never go away. One of those stellars of society accused me of emasculating him. She told him she doesn’t know how he could accept our marriage as normal because it wasn’t. She believed she was the only sane conversations he had. He also insists that he never bad mouthed me, always told them I was a great wife, mother, cook, etc. They didn’t know me (met them once) and they certainly didn’t know what was going on in our trying to reconcile but I’m not sure how I can get past this betrayal of our personal life together.

I’m just relieved that they are overseas and not here

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Bellabby, it’s hard knowing that our h told things tomthe ow, to make him look like the poor thing in the marriage, with a wife that is so darn crap and undeserving of him. My h never in his life told anyone that I was terrible, that I wasn’t a good wife, he never in his life put me down, until she came into the picture. It had to be a cousin of his, he told his family he was looking at leaving me when he was on holiday visiting his family, he was making plans with her, made me look like I was a shocking wife, everything I hadmno idea about. Everything was a shock to me, I had no clue that we were in trouble, he didn’t once come to me, so him making out that I was so terrible in front of his family has been so hard to take, it is so humiliating. However, thankfully his parents were so upset with him, they actually for the first time in my married life with him, supported me and not his new romance with the ow. Yet I know my h wasn’t himself, yet what he said about me doesn’t make it any easier. Yet I know he was trying to make sense of what was going on with himself, and to bad mouth me just made it easier for himself to live with.